Wizard Swears
by KrazyKimmy
Summary: Four new Wizard Swears for Dumbledore to ban ;  Just a little something that popped into my head earlier this evening, thought I'd share it with you fellow Potterheads.There is now a fic; and warning; Severus is rude!  hence high rating
1. By Rowena's Left Wing

_Just now, when I was in the bath (Disturbing I know) shaving (Even more disturbing) I nicked my leg._

_And instead of the usual string of teenage curses; not that I usually do- but what I unintentionally said surprised me._

_What I actually said was (And I basically quote)_

"Oh, by Rowena's left wing! Hufflepuff's third claw and Salazar's second tongue! Shit! Godric Gryffindor's GodDamned Grumbling Roar! Hey... funky."

_;) You can tell how hip I am, can'tcha ;)_

_So, here you go- four new wizard curses for use whenever, and where ever you like._

- Rowena's Left Wing (Why the left? I dunno...)

- (Helga) Hufflepuff's third claw

- Salazar's Second Tongue (Guess that refers to parseltongue?)

- (Godric) Gryffindor's Grumbling Roar (*nods* probably my fav. … though if I continue to use these... 'extremities' suppose I will be saying the first... comes to my tongue more naturally ...)

.

_~Kimmy._

_Just because. ;)_


	2. And Growling Gryffindors Roar

_MapleTreeway: Your reviews always make me chuckle. And (not related to this fic, but hopefully you can see why I was reluctant to kill James and Sirius. They were somewhat plot-crucial). Anyway; this bout of madness is especially for you ;) And I'm making it up as I go so... It may be a little odd :D_

_But when aren't my fics?_

_Anyhoo. On with the show._

_Oh- warnings: swearing, and quite a bit of it! (I myself don't swear, so sorry if it goes in the wrong place in the sentence!)_

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><p>Severus paced the corridor outside of Dumbledore's office. This was the third time this term; and it was only four weeks in. Once more, a parent had flooed in to complain about Snape's behaviour.<p>

He snorted, was he really that shit at his job?

'Two weeks in and you've made a student cry' Minerva waggled her finger at him from his memories.

He sighed.

How was it his damned fault that they couldn't follow instructions and made their potions blow up? The damned fucking idiots!

How was he meant to baby an entire class of thirty-odd, making sure that they all managed it right, and didn't fuck it up?

Oh yeah. That was another thing.

His 'language'. Severus sneered.

The first time Albus had mentioned it Severus had looked back at him, deadpanned, and said "Und was ist los mit es?"

Albus, apparently, for being able to speak Mermish and Goblin and Troll; could not manage German.

"I said what is wrong with it?" Severus had smirked, "One might think you'd bloody listen to someone your talkin-"

"Now what? I'm trying to make a point for fu-" He had started to complain when Albus had held up his hand.

"That is my point." Albus had titled his head forward, peering over his glasses that sat low on his nose. "Your language, Severus; quite frankly is foul. Your scaring many of the young ones so much that they simply cannot concentrate. Why- when miss Montegrew came up to my office after you had shouted at her she was positively trembling."

"Good thing it wasn't negatively trembling." Severus had muttered under his breath.

Severus smirked, and stopped pacing long enough to be able to hear that Lucius Malfoy had joined the meeting.

Brilliant. That's all he needed.

When trying to cure a fucking sensitive Hufflepuff, invite the fucking Malfoys!

He threw up his arms. I mean, why the fucking hell not?

He had just flopped back on a handkercheif-come-seat when the door opened.

"Here we go." He drawled; wondering if this girls mother was going to shriek at him and kick his shins too.

In fact, what surprised him was that there was no woman in the office; or rather, no mother should he say. For Minerva existed the room first, nodding at Severus and placing a thin hand on his arm; giving him a small, but genuine smile; and walking off.

What the fucking hell was that all about?

Dumbledore's voice called to him, and Severus walked in, rather confused.

There Dumbledore stood, looking out the window, 'the man is a fucking cliché. I Swear to Hepzibah herself and back I'm gonna end up fucking killing the stupid pissing old coot.' and standing behind the desk, glaring daggers at the old man; Malfoy.

So wheres the fucking parent?

"Albus?" Severus glanced at Lucius, who ignored him.

'Fine, you shitting dumb-arsed sissy. Be like that.'

"Severus." Dumbledore finally turned around, and looked wearily at Severus.

"You remember," he started, gesturing for the two to take a seat as he himself did moments later, "That I asked you to be politer in the classroom? Or face consequences?"

Severus nodded. 'And I have done just that, you fucking idiot. Why the bloody hell do you think that Poppy is having to fucking give me stress reducing tablets? Because Voldemort is back?' Snape mentally sneered; the idea of Voldemort retuning momentarily amusing him with all of its impossible-ness.

"Well, how do you think you have been doing." Dumbledore asked; with just a flicker of his eyes to Lucius.

"Well I should hope rather well. I use no language in the classroom at all; apart from a few very old 'curses' if they could even be called that. I can't be expected to go 100% profanity free on the first time round can I?"

He would of thought that Malfoy would have been with him at least on this one.

"mmmHmm." Dumbledore nodded. "And what would they be?"

"Well," Severus blushed a little "They're just phrases I found in a book, invokes- if you like; upon the founders of Hogwarts."

Dumbledore smiled. "Well then. That's OK." He glared at Lucius, "And he doesn't seem to be licking my windows so I can safely presume he's sane; thank you for your concerns but I'm sure we all have work to be doing." And with a curt nod, Dumbledore dismissed both of them.

Sulking, and frowning at Severus; Lucius stalked over to the floo. Giving one last glare at the man with the white beard currently choosing a lemon drop from his extensive supply, Malfoy said to Severus "Draco was worried you had lost your touch. Become soft, like one of those other Muggle-lovers here." Lucius both sneered and jibbed.

Severus glared, lost his touch indeed! His temper now truly flaring; Malfoy whisked away in a glare of green flames.

Severus frowned. Fucking Death Eater.

Severus raised an eyebrow back at Dumbledore; who now was sucking on a lemon drop and gently stirring a mug of hot, steaming tea; the spoon occasionally clinking against the sides.

"On your way Severus." He nodded, smiling contentedly to himself.

Severus walked out, more confused than he was before entering; having the distinct feeling of missing something important. Just as he was closing the door, he decided no.. he deserved some answers and opened it about to stride back in when he saw Albus shot up; hot tea having just been spilt all over his robes and beard "By Godric's Grumbling Roar and Salazars's Second Tongue!" The elder man hissed venomously.

Severus quickly closed the door behind him, him on the outside and nodded; thinking on that.

Okk...

He began to stride off; curious as to whether or not Minerva was already comparing him to Albus...

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><p><em>O.o Didn't turn out as expected. I wanted Min to give Sev a lecture on swearing; and for him to repent it somewhat. But as Albus is being remarkably cute (in the most bizarre way) at the end, I think its OK.<em>

_What do you think? Who's going to be my first reviewer of the year? :D_


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